My depression has spent a couple of weeks trying to get the best of me. I want to call it silly, yet it is real. I want to ignore and pretend it is not really rearing its ugly head. I will not let it get the best of me because I am putting this onto social media and not hiding. If I admit it, it cannot claim me; at least my spirit tells me so and thus I trust. Maybe you can admit it too if it visits you. Only if you are ready. It can visit many of us at different times of our lives. Depression takes on a different story depending on who we are.
Not asking for sympathy or attention. Just stating truth. It is real for so many of us and the world needs to know it is okay to talk about. It happens and if we are not verbal with our truth, it can destroy lives. It can lead to many destructive behaviors or it can hide its ugly head until it dissolves relationships or families.
If we are vocal, it helps others become vocal too! Perhaps? Yes! If we speak out, we have support. I have support, but not all do. Many friends and a couple family members have stepped in with their love to help me address this issue. All may have been surprised when they read this, but they will support me IF I let them. I have always been strong until I was not. Your family and friends will be also if you let them.
When I am asked how I am doing, the ‘me’ smiles and says,” I’m great”! How can they know? I heard myself lying yesterday. You are never guilty for not knowing we lie. We do not mean to; we are afraid of judgment or giving you concern so that you may not love us as much as we want you to. Or. In our sadness, we do not know if you really care. This probably does not even exist, yet in our minds it is so real. We wish to be without flaws, not understanding, we judge US, us, not you and we humans are here on the earth to learn the lessons we chose to work on before we incarnated. AND, most times we are great, sometimes we are not. We also do not want you to feel any guilt for our predicament.
We often blame others for the perceived imperfections in our lives, yet most often we allowed them to happen to avoid confrontation and/or discussion that would make us uncomfortable. Whether it is hiding inside, cancelling appointments, drinking alcohol, or taking any number of illegal drugs or prescriptions prescribed by doctors who might not know how to help us without patching us.
Think about that as we head into another holiday. How many people smile and say everything is fabulous? We are good with our stories. In many of our lives, not everything is great for so many for different reasons. Especially during this virus that none of us can claim we are not affected by. We pretend it is okay to be alone, to be with a few, to allow some not to visit. It is not okay, and it is okay to be not okay. Visit those emotions and allow them to be what you are feeling. That is where I am….proudly.
I have great concern for the children as they do not know why they cannot play at the park or visit with grandparents. No playing with friends and no amusement parks or fast-food restaurants with play equipment. They feel germy and not good about themselves. Then the teens and young adults find themselves cutoff. No graduation. No senior prom where there may have been a special kiss. No sports to play. No cheering fans. They are lonely too. The suicide rate in America and possibly the world is staggering. We as a society need to work together so this is not so debilitating for many of us. We may have chosen to be on this journey at this time, but if we do not learn something, we will be returning for some other chaos. Let us stay moving forward instead.
This does not only apply to today, the virus, the whatever…. We find ourselves, all over the world, alone while others appear to have everything. It is not only loneliness, but lack of achievement that others deem so high on their list of judgment. Or is it us? Until we tell them our accomplishments, they know not what we have done. Does it matter? Others may not have judgement, always, it comes from within.
And then, there is the world…filled with trials and tribulations. Who knows what others want or need?
Where is compassion? Is it within you? I see it in my friend who listened last night. I see it often, but others may not see it because their form of depression is too deep. Not making mine inconsequential, but it is not as deep as some.
I have spent many hours with ‘Loving the Me in Me’ which is a book I have written based on my childhood and leaving the stories behind where they belong. I have spent many emotions as each circumstance brings about a new discovery! I look in the mirror and know that I will work on me always. If you need help, be in touch…. we are a work in progress. I will listen. I will do my best to be the listening ear, no judgment.
Reach out to those who may need you. I opened up and many, many came with words of support. Be that for someone you know and let your soul grow.
Wishing you the most fabulous holiday season possible. Reach out and call someone. If you know you cannot visit, call. Time alone can be lonely. Thank you for being the best you can be! Frances
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